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Developing Yourself: HEALING FROM YOUR PAST...


Putting your attention on the present while you heal from past hurts.

Our present selves and future goals are greatly informed by the experiences of our prior selves. As a result, we naturally look to our past experiences for guidance as we navigate our current situation. Our personal decisions in the present are frequently influenced by our past. If we are acting rationally, we will use our regrets, mistakes, and unpleasant experiences as pointers to help us avoid repeating the same patterns in the future.

Some, though, see the past more as a place to go than as a place to reflect upon the present. Those who have a hard time releasing the pain and regret of the past may feel trapped by their circumstances and unable to progress in life. If you can't let go of the past, you may fall into a deep melancholy, develop PTSD, or even think about ending your own life.


Warning Signs That You Can't Escape the Past:

  • It seems like we always end up talking about the same things and the same people.

  • Because you are drawn to troublemakers, you are constantly surrounded by them.

  • Disputes often resurface from older disagreements.

  • Irritated and bored very quickly.

  • When comparing the state of your life now to that in the past.

  • Your mind keeps returning to painful or terrible memories.

  • Negative actions towards oneself.

  • Emotional triggers include anything that causes you to reflect on former people or situations.

  • People usually get together with others for one of two reasons: to fill an emptiness in their lives or to avoid being alone with their own thoughts.

  • The phrase "waiting for the other shoe to drop" refers to the mental state of expecting something bad to happen.

  • showing signs of nervousness or acting hastily.

  • regretting rash actions taken without proper consideration.

  • It could be tiring to think of nothing except new people or new adventures.

  • Reluctance to go out and try something new, including socializing.

  • Reckless Behavior Towards Oneself

Those who are stuck in the past are generally characterized by a pattern of self-destructive behavior that serves to perpetuate the repetition of traumatic events from their past. A self-defeating pattern is characterized by repeated actions that have unfavorable outcomes for the actor. Self-destructive actions are often initiated as a defense mechanism against or distraction from painful emotions, such as those triggered by the recall of a traumatic event. In an effort to free themselves of uncomfortable ideas or emotions of exposure, some people develop unhealthy habits like self-medicating, indulging in avoidant or escapist behaviors, and so on. For instance, if a person has a history of abandonment, they may abandon partners or friends, or lash out at them when they are emotionally vulnerable. Attempting to escape emotional triggers by engaging in self-destructive behavior is a common practice that can lead to a lifetime of unhealthy relationships. It can be challenging to get out of this cycle.


Forgiving Yourself and Your Past

Healing from prior pain or trauma is a process that might be lengthy. It will take some time to do this. It's a process, so you'll need patience, commitment, and a willingness to adapt. Humans have a built-in preference for eliciting positive emotions and avoiding negative ones, and this bias often leads people to engage in counterproductive actions. Betrayal and other traumatic events might alter our neural pathways in ways that make us more protective of ourselves. It's likely that we live our whole lives in "fight or flight" mode, constantly preparing for more pain that we may unknowingly bring upon ourselves.


Here are a few pointers to help you live in the here and now:


Establish limits on the situation. This could imply different things to different people, but ultimately it boils down to making sure you give yourself enough time to heal and go forward at your own pace. Many people find it helpful when trying to set limits to be pickier about who they accept and who they reject. Setting and sticking to firm limits is crucial for letting go of the past and appreciating the present.


Acceptance. It is too late to alter what has already happened. This cannot be argued. And living in the past prevents us from making the most of the present moment. By accepting that the terrible events have passed, we allow ourselves permission to grieve and release any unresolved sadness we may be carrying. Recognize that you need time to grieve and be honest with yourself as you do so.


Practice being present and aware. Mindfulness includes training oneself to focus on the present moment and keep one's cool when confronted with mental or emotional distractions. Recovering from traumatic experiences, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may benefit from including mindfulness training into their overall therapy strategy.


Create a button to clear the information. The fundamental nature of being human means that there will always be room for improvement. Like any other skill, it requires practice to hone and perfect them. Don't be too hard on yourself if you make a blunder or realize you're reliving the past or reverting to old habits. If you want to know where you are in your own growth process, just hit the reset button.


Disconnect. Keeping a good sense of proportion is crucial when making efforts to better oneself. When caring for yourself, it's important to recognize that you may need to disconnect from social media and loved ones for a while you focus on getting better. When we have time to ourselves, we are better able to get to know ourselves and show ourselves the care and affection we need to stop living in the past.


Weeks 1, 2 and 3 are now available, and I encourage you to sign up on my website. Keep in mind that being patient with yourself is not simple, but it could help you overcome the obstacles stopping your progress. If you're ready to make a change and start living the life you've always imagined, click this link.



I invite you to join my Life Coaching program if you're ready to start making positive changes in your life. We'll talk about things like forgiveness, happiness, empowerment, and more, all of which may play a role in helping you reframe your life and find your true calling. Don't be shy; Way of the Wise Owl is a non-profit organization, and your consultation with us will cost you nothing. Let's cross our fingers and hope for a speedy response.


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