Remove Yourself Safely From These Three Personality Characteristics

We can all think of people who have been negative influences in our lives, whether they were exes, friends, or colleagues. All of us have known people like that. With the benefit of hindsight, we can see that our time spent together was more harmful than helpful, and that we're better off without them in our lives at the present time.

But how can we recognize the red flags of a potentially toxic relationship before we put in too much time and effort? Here are three red flags to look out for if you want to spare yourself the emotional damage that can come from an unhealthy relationship dynamic.

#1. Be very careful about putting your trust in someone who is emotionally distant. A common pattern in relationships where one person is the pursuer and the other is the distancer is the "pursuer-distancer dance," in which the more the pursuer tries to get closer to the distancer in the hopes of winning their approval, intimacy, or connection, the further the distancer moves away from them. Feelings of dissatisfaction, low self-esteem, and alienation from the world can make this a draining experience. Recent research published in the journal Sexual and Relationship Therapy reveals that emotional distance is not limited to men. Despite the stereotype that men are more likely to play the "distancer" in a relationship, it takes commitment and the willingness to show vulnerability on both sides for any relationship to succeed.

#2. Stay away from people who refuse to say they're sorry. Someone who does not apologize when it is warranted is someone who has difficulty taking responsibility for their actions. We are all fallible. Because of this, we must all possess the ability to express regret. Relationship maintenance relies heavily on people saying sorry when it's warranted. One shouldn't reserve apologies for only the most egregious of offenses either. Accepting responsibility for even a minor mistake shows that you care about the person whose life you may have impacted negatively due to your blunder. It is sufficient to provide a plain apology along the lines of "I'm so sorry I came later than promised, I missed my alarm, and I want you to know that I highly appreciate our time together," and then to take efforts to make apologies. Because people who don't apologize are frequently unaware of their own disrespectful behavior, pointing it out to them may be the most effective line of action. It is likely in your best interest to sever ties with the other person if you get the impression that they are aware of the pain they have caused you as a result of their actions but refuse to apologize as a matter of principle or because they have a warped perspective of the circumstances surrounding the incident.

#3. Be aware of persons who desire a greater status. To some extent, the objective of every connection is to further one's own interests. We rely on other people for support, connection, love, companionship, humor, and so on all of the things that add to our sense of achievement as human beings. On the other side, there are scenarios in which the value equation becomes imbalanced. For instance, there are a lot of people who want to build relationships with other people because they believe it will help them in the here and now. It's an unavoidable truth of being a member of society. Individuals who are like this generally base their sense of self-worth on material items rather than on the friendships and emotional ties they have. Perhaps they don't see any problem with using a romantic relationship as a springboard to something else. It's unfortunate that you'll have to pick up the pieces so often. Be wary of people who only want to keep you around so they can continue to reap the benefits of your relationship. After completing their initial goal, they are likely to move on to something else of interest.

I invite you to join my Life Coaching program if you're ready to start making positive changes in your life. We'll talk about things like forgiveness, happiness, empowerment, and more, all of which may play a role in helping you reframe your life and find your true calling. Don't be shy; Way of the Wise Owl is a non-profit organization, and your consultation with us will cost you nothing. Let's cross our fingers and hope for a speedy response.

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— The Way of the Wise Owl by Dagmarie Daniels