Stop Asking Why Instead tell them “I am here for you, how i can help YOU?

Helping your Loved One when they encounter suicidal attempts or thoughts. 

Hello, beautiful souls, and welcome to today’s episode. I’m Dagmarie, and I’m here to talk with you about a topic that's heavy but so important—supporting a loved one who’s feeling suicidal. I know it can be heart-wrenching, confusing, and even frightening. I want to share a bit of my personal experience, and hopefully, together, we can start to break down some of the stigma around this, focus on how to truly support someone, and talk about ways to help them move forward.

There’s often this moment when someone we know has attempted or expressed thoughts of suicide, and people’s first reaction is to ask, “Why did you do it?” I remember hearing that question directed toward someone I cared about, and it was like a punch to the gut. Instead of focusing on what drove them to that point, I thought, shouldn’t we focus on how we can help them, how we can move forward? Let’s dive into that.

Segment 1: Understanding the Experience

For anyone who hasn’t experienced it, it’s hard to understand how a loved one could reach a place where they see no other way out. When you love someone who’s suicidal, you feel an intense mix of worry, helplessness, and sometimes even anger or frustration. I remember feeling all of these at different points. When my loved one confided in me about their thoughts, it felt like the ground beneath me had disappeared. I wanted to help them, but I didn’t know how or where to start.

One of the hardest things to see was how others reacted. Often, they’d focus on “why,” almost like there had to be a logical explanation. But for those going through this pain, there’s no simple answer. It’s often a mixture of overwhelming emotions, circumstances, mental health issues, and sometimes even things beyond our understanding. What I learned through this experience is that the “why” doesn’t matter as much as showing up for them, standing by them, and making them feel less alone.

Segment 2: How to Support Your Loved One

Supporting someone who’s struggling with suicidal thoughts starts with letting go of judgment. Instead of “Why did you do it?” try saying, “I’m here for you. How can I help?” Being there, offering a listening ear without conditions, without trying to fix everything, can make a huge difference.

Here are a few things I found helpful along the way:

1. Listen Without Judgment

   Just being there and listening is more powerful than you might think. Allow them to express their feelings without fear of judgment. It’s okay if you don’t have the perfect words—just being a compassionate, accepting presence is often enough.

2. Reassure Them They’re Not Alone

   
   

   Remind them that they’re not a burden, and that what they’re going through doesn’t have to define them. Let them know that it’s okay to feel this way and that there are people who want to help, including you.

3. Avoid Clichés and “Tough Love”

   
   

   Avoid phrases like “Just snap out of it” or “Think positive.” Instead, validate their feelings. You can say things like, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here with you.”

4. Encourage Professional Help

   
   

   One of the biggest turning points was realizing that I couldn’t take on this responsibility alone. Encourage your loved one to seek out professional help. Therapists, counselors, or support groups can offer coping strategies and a safe place to unpack what they’re going through.

5. Take Care of Yourself, Too

   
   

   Supporting someone who’s suicidal is emotionally draining, and you need to prioritize your own mental health as well. Reach out to a support group, a therapist, or close friends who understand what you’re going through. Remember, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Segment 3: Suicide Prevention Resources and Strategies

Now let’s talk about some practical strategies and resources that could help if you’re in this situation. These aren’t one-size-fits-all, but they’re a good starting point.

1. Encourage Connection and Community Support

   Isolation often worsens suicidal thoughts, so encouraging your loved one to stay connected with friends, family, or support groups can provide them with a vital sense of belonging. Encourage them to get involved in activities that bring them joy or meaning, even if they’re hesitant at first.

   
   

2. Promote Healthy Routines

   It may sound simple, but a regular routine can create stability. Encourage small habits—like going for a daily walk, eating nourishing meals, and getting enough sleep. These can help anchor them in the present moment.

   
   

3. Guide Them Toward Helplines and Crisis Services

   
   

   In a crisis, immediate support is crucial. Here are a few suicide prevention resources:

   
   

   • National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1-800-273-TALK) - A 24/7 hotline providing free, confidential support to people in distress, plus prevention and crisis resources.

     
     

   • Crisis Text Line - Text “HELLO” to 741741 for free, 24/7 support via text.

     
     

   • National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) - Offers information, resources, and support for mental health.

     
     

4. Develop a Safety Plan Together

   A safety plan is a personalized, practical plan that includes recognizing warning signs, identifying coping strategies, and noting emergency contacts. This can be incredibly empowering because it gives your loved one a sense of control and direction.

   
   

5. Practice Patience

   Recovery is a journey, and it may take time. Remind your loved one—and yourself—that it’s okay if they take two steps forward and one step back. Patience, kindness, and empathy are vital.

   
   

[Closing Thoughts]

Thank you for joining me on this journey today. Loving someone who’s going through a dark time can be difficult, but remember, your support means more than you may realize. If you’re currently supporting someone in this way, know that you’re not alone. Seek help when you need it, and continue to show up with compassion.

Before we go, let’s take a moment to remind ourselves of the power of empathy. People who are struggling with suicidal thoughts need to know that they’re valued, loved, and not defined by their pain. Let’s be that beacon of light they need.

Thank you for listening, and remember, there’s always hope, and there are always people who want to help. Stay strong, and keep spreading kindness in this world.

I invite you to join my Life Coaching program if you're ready to start making positive changes in your life. We'll talk about things like forgiveness, happiness, empowerment, and more, all of which may play a role in helping you reframe your life and find your true calling. Don't be shy; Way of the Wise Owl is a non-profit organization, and your consultation with us will cost you nothing. Let's cross our fingers and hope for a speedy response.

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